Confession of an angry girl

I'm a reformed girl.....

It was a year ago that I made a promise to stop justifying my crappy, self-loathing behaviour. So I did what I thought was very cliche at the time and vowed to devote an entire year to loving myself better. The craziest part is..I think it kinda worked.

Personally committing to loving myself was like deciding to step outside my comfort zone, it was more like running a marathon blindfolded- next to impossible and pretty ridiculous looking. Probably what was most shocking was the idea of reinventing myself and making it all about me.  I realised that if I didn't start to change the less savoury parts of myself that would take over, and probably lead to a large chance that one day I would wake and up and not "like me"
Actually, I can with hands up say about a year ago I didn't particularly like me. I let the stretch marks on my belly,  the cellulite on my legs, the crazy morning hair, the average university grades and my lack of self worth do the talking for me. And there I saw my myself make the mistake of trying to repurpose my life to get others validation I was desperately looking for. It felt more like trying to hammer a puzzle piece where it isn't meant to fit. My energy and time was invested in people and situations that only made me more angry rather than possibly focusing on my own vision. So I resorted to envy jealousy and new best friends I called them.

The fact some of my friends were more successful than I was, the guy whom I  shared an office with me was getting promoted, the girl down the road that was getting engaged, anyone who always somehow pulled a really good hair day everyday,  and the girl in the coffee shop that appeared happy on the outside, more happy than I thought I could ever be. Thats what used to make me angry. However that mental spotlight shifted away from those around me, when I did realise that no matter what level of success I attain I will always carry my baggage filled with insecurity. I mean I could have the best job, the best husband and the best hair, that honestly would probably still not keep me from being angry.

So, the journey of self love taught me  that the only thing that cooled the anger that often welled up inside me was not being a "self hater". The change didn't happen when I realised that didn't like the person I became;. It happened when I embraced to love myself enough to recognise that I didn't deserve a life filled with insecurities. In the past several months. I've learned that I'm an individual with a lot of feelings, and that taking the time to channel those feelings towards only a place of love wasn't a sign of weakness, but a tactic to love myself and others around me.

So, yes it was terrifying waking up and realising that I was becoming someone I didn't like very much. But in that moment I knew my only two options were to; to step forward into something a little uncomfortable and admittedly silly, like a devoting a whole year to loving myself or stay inside my comfortable bubble of negativity.

Despite this crazy journey I never second guessed my decision to take that leap outside of what used to make me comfortable. Every day when I wake up I feel little anger has been chipped away from from my heart, I know that I've made the right choice. looking forward, not back, choosing love, not envy- that stuff is scary, but oh, is it worth it.

Whats one way you can step outside your comfort zone today?

Do your thing girl x


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