5 reasons to say NO more often.

Do you say yes because you want to solve a problem, meet a need or straight up to be liked? Is this an occurring thing? If that is a yes, then I can say that I get it, I get that saying no can be incredibly hard to say and make you feel anxious or guilty.

I can with my hands up say that I'm a people pleaser at heart. Im always drawn to saying yes- to projects at uni, outing with friends to "helping out" in any way possible at work and life in general. Why you say? well I do like to think that it makes me feel useful, important and appreciated ...until the stress level and overwhelming kicks in and all because I said to many yes'es (that's not a word I know)


However, saying all that its not impossible to start saying "no". Over the past couple of weeks Ive realised how saying "no" is an incredible skills to develop and how much it can benefit your career, creative goal and more importantly your general well being. I know its easier said than done but taking it a no at a time will allow you prioritise your needs and set appropriate boundaries.

Below I have listed my 5 reasons of why "no" can lead to a better path than "yes"

1. I'm Not an Unlimited Resource. 
There are days where we do feel like superwomen, ticking off your to do list with a flourish, zooming through each meal and assuming all can fit in with no consequences. And that when we crash; I get physically sick and start begrudging my responsibilities, moaning and groaning and just lose my patience.

And its all my fault because I've said yes too much. and despite how much id like to be superwomen (hell, even super girl) I'm not, and thats fine.

You are not an unlimited resource. You have a certain amount of time, energy, money, attention- whatever- and how you choose to spend each is critical. The more you give, the more people expect to give just a constant cycle.

As someone wise once shared this with me; if your insanely busy, feeling distressed, wondering when life is just gong to cal down, I have news for you. You need to start saying no.

2. Saying No Doesn't Make Me a D*ck. 
A friend of mine asked me couple of weeks asked me to go to her graduation party, and right away created an endless list off all the reasons why I should say yes; a fun venue, a chance to spend time with other people and I was just super happy that she made me feel included and cool. never mind the fact that I have been working 12 hour shifts at the hospital. Oh, and I felt really tired, missed my cat and not to forget the work deadline I had. My body was screaming "stay at home, silly"  and with great difficulty, I said no. God did I feel so guilty!

But this is not new. the cringe I get everythime I say no and the "your a dick" reaction. Wait! I think. I ca do it, ill make it work, I want you to be happy with me, I want you think I'm a good person. sound familiar?

Saying no didn't  make me a less of a person and most certainly not a d*ck. . When you say no you'll know whats important and start to make choices with integrity. I can genuinely say that I have respect for people who own their boundaries. Flip the situation for a minute and think about all the times you've asked someone to do something and they've declined(for whatever reason) do you automatically think less of them. Saying no is a sign of maturity (becoming a women) it means you have a plan and vision and for once put your needs first!

Tip: start viewing a "no" as a response to the request itself not the person and the anxiety will start to shift (and if someone is genuinely being pissy about your "no" they're the d*ck)

3. You don't need a reason 
Saying no when I have reason- I'm visiting my family this weekend, I have an early start, were saving for a big trip- is one thing. But saying no because you want to stay home, eat, leftover pasta watch two seasons of Big Bang Theory  and sleep 8:30pm just feels awkward. So when it comes to choosing between the two, I go above and beyond to explain my reasoning for saying no - I actually ofer justify in the hopes (I guess) of convincing the other person I'm not actually bailing on them.

But the thing is I don't need a reason. I can just say no. And the same goes for you. Being in control of your schedule and choices feels so amazing. Being honest about what you need is on a given day a form of self care and it really does help you avoid the burnout.

4. Your Goal Matters. 
One of the man reasons I struggled with saying "no" was because the idea of putting my goals first just seemed beyond difficult. It felt so selfish, weird and oddly black and white of me to say that "so and so" is taking up my energy and time- probably why I always was burnout.

But if you are always offering yourself up as a resource to others then you will never be able to concentrate on your own contribution and growth. This doesn't have to mean you should never help other people or collaborate. It just means that you have a choice between yes and no whilst also considering your priorities, goals and SELF-CARE.

5. "NO" Paves the Way for "YES". 
What Im trying to say is, if your answer is less than "HELL YEAH !" then answer should be "NO". Trust the gut feeling and your sense of intuition.

A very helpful rule that reminds me to make intentional choices to free up your time, energy and attention for what is meaningful to you. The biggest benefit to saying no more often is that it frees you up to say yes to what actually matters.

Have you learned to say no? 

Do your thing girl x